Standing in the Waves

The month of September felt like surviving. In my own very comfortable way of surviving. We had food on the table, warm beds to sleep in, and all our needs met. But I was tired, lacked focus, and was covered in a head-to-toe rash for weeks that left me even more irritable and impatient. 

I wanted to quit. I doubted every decision I had made about family, business, kids, school. I was questioning everything. And the rhythm and routine of September that I craved alluded me. 

There was a time in my life that days like that felt like they would never end—like waves, they just came crashing in every day, day after day, after day. Big waves crashing and me drowning over and over again. It was impossible to see the light. 

But now, these storms are less frequent and pass quickly in the night. The days do get dark, but I always see the light much sooner because I know it’s there. I know that when a storm does come, it is ok to stand in it, feel it, embrace it for what it is and know that I can move when it’s over. The storm passes because I can recognize when I reach my capacity and when it’s time to reach out for help. 

The biggest lesson month was not only that nothing stays the same but that I am not alone. 

I surrendered to the help and comfort of others in a way I never have before. Help came in the form of texts, calls, check-ins, housework, meal preparation, teaching, childcare, and countless other small acts. I received an abundance of help and support that in the past I have felt unworthy of asking for.

In recognizing my capacity, I am now able to clarify what I need and ask for it. I realize that we are not alone. We are never alone. We just need to courage to reach out.  If you are feeling alone right now. Remember, it’s not permanent. You are limited by your capacity. And asking for help opens you up to a world of abundance.