New Year reNEWed Focus
I haven’t always picked a word of the year. I remember a time when I would get caught up in the frenzy of resolutions. Like once we rang in the new year, I would instantly start eating better, exercising more, making more money, and a whole other host of dreams, goals, and aspirations that were not at all my own but just my perception of what the world wanted me to want. After becoming a mother, they were even crazier resolutions that involved absolutes that were impossible. Like “this year, I will never yell at my kids,” or “ I am feeding my kids only organic food, and we will make everything from scratch.” How quickly those resolutions would fall to the wayside, and I would feel the weight of defeat and failure.
I have now realized goals and resolutions are not the problems. It is good to have goals and dreams, but the intention and motivation behind them allow us to live our goals and objectives truly. I now set goals and intentions with much more clarity. For me choosing a word also helps frame my choices for the year.
In 2021, the New Year came when it felt like we were “turning a corner,” vaccines were on the horizon, and we were hopeful that the wild year of 2020 would soon be a distant memory. But I was tired and overwhelmed. And we would continue to live with lots of uncertainty. My word for 2021 was sustainable. I desired to make living more sustainable– finding a way that life could sustain me. The ‘doing it all’ life of homeschooling, running a small business, and a household left less gas in the tank for me, and I was too often feeling burnt out, angry, and resentful. I knew that to continue to grow; I needed to find ways to sustain myself and my family. Through that year, I learned and implemented sustainable practices.
I learned to ask for help.
I decluttered the stuff that was emotionally hard to have around.
I unlearned ideas about educating my kids that allowed for less fighting and more connection.
I set goals that aligned with my values,
I sought support with my business to bring clarity to my goals and my capacity.
I learned the importance of authentic self-care.
And from that learning I have implemented new practices.
When work gets heavy, I know that my capacity is limited and other things need to go.
When I am clear on my why and my intention to filter all decisions through that lens.
When I need to rest, I rest.
When I need help, I ask for help.
After a year of creating a more sustainable life, I had decided that my words for 2022 would be PRESENCE and PLAY. My inner child desired to be more deeply present in every moment of my day. And as a mother, I felt like I had lost sight of the joy of play, and I had forgotten how to play. I desired that feeling of a child getting lost in play for hours. Fully present in the moment with no worries or distractions, just wholly immersed in the action.
Our fifth baby arrived just one month into the new year, and the reality was it was a long cold winter of isolation and adjusting. I struggled to be present and honestly didn’t find much time to play. I wrestled between a desire for more- more plans, more people, more projects, more fun –and a desire for a deeper, slower rhythm and sometimes just wanted to SLEEP.
2022 was not what I had imagined. The play and presence I had imagined came in different smaller, more subtle ways. My days were full. There were many meals to prepare, floors to sweep, diapers to change, conflicts to resolve, and kids and babies to be held. Raising five kids requires thoughtful presence (a lot of it), and pressing pause on my own needs, desires, ideas, and passions. It’s challenging and, at times, frustrating. I got caught in a cycle of doubt and began defining my needs and wants by the standards of others. I found myself looking outward to set the pace, and saw a world moving fast while feeling like I was moving so slow.
But day by day in this season, I’ve realized just how much I am called to nurture my family while learning to turn inward to care for myself. I look into our baby’s eyes, overwhelmed by her innocence, peace, and presence while keenly aware of just how fleeting these moments are. She calls to me every moment of the day to be more present, calmer, and more at ease. She reminds me that I set my own pace.
My children call me to meet them where they are, to approach each moment of our day with awe and wonder—without haste or worry. And my body is starting to naturally feel at ease in the slow, and my mind thanks me when I acknowledge my immediate needs and sit with the abundance in the mindful moment of the present. I am carving out time to play again. Dreaming up new projects for our home to make it more of a place of peace and rest. I am sitting down and playing more–writing my thoughts and sharing my stories.
So this year, I’m not focusing on a specific word. I am welcoming 2023 with a renewed commitment to find a deeper authentic presence and offer myself an abundance of grace to let life just unfold.
So tell me, do you have a word for the year? How are you embracing the new year?